i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize