his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
