mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
