it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
