I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
