I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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