Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
