smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
