good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
