I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize