are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
