just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i need some magic done to my vagina
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize