I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
