this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
