New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize