your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
