She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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