She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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