and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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