My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
