Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
