Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
