I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
