you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize