the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
