The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
third nipple confirmed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
