i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
