Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
