just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
