My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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