she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
