I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
