He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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