god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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