So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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