I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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