Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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