I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
