She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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