I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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