I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
