What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
