I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
