Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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