I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize