We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
