party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
