yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
