I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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