Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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