My balls are so social today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
