and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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