I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
