So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize