i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
