batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
