I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
