You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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