i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
