my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
