After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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