I cut my penus on the lid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
