I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
