a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
