On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
