so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
