Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
