i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
