I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
PANTIES FOUND
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