just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
