xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
